Field Marshal von Vacuum: Part 3

The bedroom was tough. Fewer square feet to vacuum, but this is pretty much where my cat lives. If you’ve ever wondered what a floor covered by a thick mat of cat hair looks like, I can send you pictures.

No, actually I can’t, ‘cause I vacuumed it up! Yes, the Field Marshal sucked it all up like a champ. If I’d known vacuums could do that, I might have cleaned more often.

Note: LOL!

The funny bit, though, is what happened afterwards. I had finished vacuuming and was busy in the kitchen, cleaning with a blow torch and pick-axe, when I wandered back into the bedroom for some reason, not more than ten minutes later.

My cat, perhaps in protest, had vomited in the middle of the floor. Of course, I cleaned it up (eventually), but now I had a lovely dark brown mark dead center in the room.

Now, I don’t actually own any carpet cleaner, so on my next trip to the store, I purchased some and then sat down to clean the carpet. The instructions were simple:

1. Spray area liberally
2. Dab gently with a cloth or sponge until dry

I can ‘spray liberally.’ That’s no problem. The ‘dab gently’ was the tricky part. I can ‘rub vigorously.’ I can ‘mash mercilessly.’ I can even ‘wipe with extreme prejudice.’ ‘Dab gently’ was vague. Do I poke it? Do I pat it? Should I, perhaps, hum a soothing tune whilst dabbing gently?

Also, ‘until dry’ seemed a bit excessive. We could be talking hours here. I’m a busy man. I have bathrooms to clean, blogs to write, and games to play. I can’t spend an afternoon fondling a stain.

So, I sprayed the hell out of the stain, halfheartedly poked it with a cloth for a few minutes, left the cloth on it, and then prodded it with my foot when I walked by.

It worked, more or less. The stain is mostly gone, though if you squint or if the light is right, you can still see it.

The moral of the story, gentle reader, is this: A fool and his monkey are soon parted.

No, wait, that’s a different story. This one doesn’t have a moral.

Cheers,
-Jason