For those of you who don’t know, Simon Says is very, very simple. One player is ‘Simon’ and tells the other players what to do. If your boss happens to be named ‘Simon,’ this would be very familiar. Legal commands start with ‘Simon says’ and you need to do them to continue. If a command does not start with ‘Simon says,’ you must not do it.
Legal commands would include:
Simon says stand on your left foot.
Simon says point up.
Simon says reflect on your life as a tool of the bourgeois Capitalist Imperial State.
Simon says ponder nothingness.
That’s pretty much it. If Simon uses the magic words, you do it. If not, don’t. This is fascinatingly unlike the real world.
Frankly, there really ought to be a Professional Simon Says League. The beauty is that it’s a completely level field. Other than an ability to follow the language being used, it is completely neutral in regards to gender, age, athletic ability, race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, favorite dessert, handiness, or IQ.
You could have a team of 4th graders competing against Wall Street brokers. Republicans vs. Democrats. Budweiser vs. Coors. Superheroes vs. the Mole People of Cignus IV.
It would rock. At least until the inevitable steroid scandals, the gambling, drugs, and the immense, inflated salaries took their toll. Granted, these sorts of problems haven’t hurt any other professional sport, so there you go.
Cheers,
-Jason
Showing posts with label Simon Says. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Simon Says. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Simon Says: Part 1
There was a discussion about professional sports going on the other day at work. Since I’m smack dab in the middle of a cube farm, I pretty much hear everything that goes on around me.
NOTE: Yes, George, I can hear you picking your nose.
NOTE: NOTE: I was going to use ‘Steve,’ but there is an actual Steve that sits by me and I didn’t want to accidently imply that he picks his nose. I mean, I don’t honestly know. He might. However, he is a man of taste and intelligence, so I would imagine that if he did, he would do so privately.
NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: And his wife makes AMAZING scones.
Anyway, apparently there was a baseball game where the home team won by a touchdown in the last frame. Since the visiting team failed to pick up the spare, they had to ‘plink the mushroom’ in order to get the ‘funny bone’ out of the patient in time to shout ‘Uno!’
Yes, I have no idea what I’m talking about (though ‘plinking the mushroom’ sounds like fun). Anyway, the guys were talking about this baseball game and using all sorts of strange and intimidating jargon. I was half-listening, as I’m nosy that way, and realized that professional sports would be more approachable if the rules were simpler.
For example: Baseball, on the surface, is pretty simple. I get that a guy tries to hit the ball and run around the bases. If he makes it all the way, his team scores a point (or run or something). Once you take it beyond that, it gets rather complicated. The 1st baseman has to catch the ball and touch the bag to get the runner out. The second baseman has to tag the runner. The third baseman has to tackle the runner and wrest the Sacred Chalice of Northumbria from him, lest the Dragon of Upper-Cheddar appear and let fly with his macaroni breath.
Or something.
It then occurred to me that what we need are professional sports where the rules can be stated in one sentence.
Such as, oh, Simon Says.
NOTE: Yes, George, I can hear you picking your nose.
NOTE: NOTE: I was going to use ‘Steve,’ but there is an actual Steve that sits by me and I didn’t want to accidently imply that he picks his nose. I mean, I don’t honestly know. He might. However, he is a man of taste and intelligence, so I would imagine that if he did, he would do so privately.
NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: And his wife makes AMAZING scones.
Anyway, apparently there was a baseball game where the home team won by a touchdown in the last frame. Since the visiting team failed to pick up the spare, they had to ‘plink the mushroom’ in order to get the ‘funny bone’ out of the patient in time to shout ‘Uno!’
Yes, I have no idea what I’m talking about (though ‘plinking the mushroom’ sounds like fun). Anyway, the guys were talking about this baseball game and using all sorts of strange and intimidating jargon. I was half-listening, as I’m nosy that way, and realized that professional sports would be more approachable if the rules were simpler.
For example: Baseball, on the surface, is pretty simple. I get that a guy tries to hit the ball and run around the bases. If he makes it all the way, his team scores a point (or run or something). Once you take it beyond that, it gets rather complicated. The 1st baseman has to catch the ball and touch the bag to get the runner out. The second baseman has to tag the runner. The third baseman has to tackle the runner and wrest the Sacred Chalice of Northumbria from him, lest the Dragon of Upper-Cheddar appear and let fly with his macaroni breath.
Or something.
It then occurred to me that what we need are professional sports where the rules can be stated in one sentence.
Such as, oh, Simon Says.
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