My upstairs neighbors had a fight the other night. She went
stomping up the stairs and flung the door open. I couldn’t quite hear what was
going on, but she was pissed at the guy for some reason and yelled for about
ten minutes. She then stomped back out and drove off. I continued watching cartoons.
She came back about twenty minutes later and stomped back up
the stairs. This time there was more prolonged shouting and some jumping up
and/or down, as they made the ceiling shake. After about ten minutes of this,
she left again, leaving the guy sobbing.
I happened to use the bathroom at that point and discovered
a fun fact: you can hear what’s going on upstairs really, really well in the
bathroom. He was sobbing and kept repeating ‘What am I going to do?’ I’m not
sure if he was talking to someone or just in hysterics, but I made a mental
note to not say anything incriminating loudly in the bathroom, just in case
they could hear me as well as I could hear them.
And that was it. Maybe twenty minutes total arguing with
another ten or so of sobbing.
In all honesty, the level of fighting that has been going on
at this apartment complex has been really, really bad. I would give the one the
other night a 4 out of 10 at best, just because she stomped really well.
As a long-time apartment dweller, I have come to recognize
the artistry involved in a really good fight. There’s a certain commitment needed to truly
scream that someone is a ‘filthy whore’ at 3 in the morning. Even the relatively simple act of slamming an
apartment door has its intricacies. Do you go for the big wham or the more
subtle ‘shut the door softly, but in a way that makes the whole building shake?’
Seriously, these people need some lessons or something. Back
at my old complex this wouldn’t have even registered over the screaming and
sirens. Where was the crashing of lamps? The breaking of furniture? The
anguished wails? The intricate melody of two people screaming at each other in a
language I don’t understand?
I guess my point is that if you’re going to disturb your
neighbors with a fight at least make it interesting. Scream, holler, break stuff. And when you run
screaming into the night, do it in your underwear. Basically, give me something
to tell the guys at work about or just don’t bother.
As a rule of thumb: if the SWAT team shows up, you’re doing
it right.
Cheers,
-Jason
3 comments:
By simplifying your life in this way, you create time for your happiness, and you reduce the stress and chaos in your life.
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You can always make the argument worse by leaving incriminating evidence around the apartment building. Maybe drop a bra outside someone's door, or slip a love letter under a door.
I'm sure if you spend the time you can help them achieve the level of awesomeness. And when it finally makes national headlines, you can say "I was a part of this".
I like the way you think, SJPaladin!
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