Yoga!

I tried yoga the other day. It was difficult in a way that was completely foreign to me. I mean, I didn’t really feel like I was doing anything, but I was still sweating like a pig staring at a ham.

B y-the-by, this was not live yoga with other people. It was a DVD yoga lesson, so I got to pause and rewind as needed. I did this liberally, mainly because the two girls in the video had magnificent butts.

Anyway, I spent a good portion of the time watching other people pull themselves into weird postures and then trying it myself. I managed to do several that I was pretty sure I couldn’t. There were a handful that I completely couldn’t do and one that I just looked at and went ‘nah.’

Now, I didn’t say ‘nah’ just because the position looked humanly impossible, but because I was alone and if I seriously hurt myself, I’d end up starving to death on my living room floor with my spine jutting out at weird angles. Granted, it wouldn’t be all bad, as I would be able to watch the girl’s bums a lot, but there’s that whole ‘death’ thing.

So, the guy on the video spent a lot of time explaining the different postures and basically doing them effortlessly and I did my best to watch as I slowly twisted my body into a variety of anatomically incorrect positions. It occurred to me though, as I watched the TV through my legs while trying to touch my left hand to my right big toe and simultaneously put my right hand on blue (a little Twister joke there), that if they wanted to market yoga to nerds, they would need a totally different approach.

And I had yet another staggeringly good idea. Yoda Yoga. This would be a series of Yoga videos where you’re being taught by Yoda while a bevy of hot Twi-lek girls (the blue or green ones with the head tendrils) do the moves.

“Assume Downward Dog you must,” Yoda would say, as the Twi-lek’s stretched on screen. “Think not on the girls. On yourself you must concentrate.”

Other characters could make cameos. Luke could demonstrate Jedi Pose. Han could do the Smuggler Stretch. Chewbacca could . . . bellow, I guess.

Anyway, now all I need to do is get George Lucas’ phone number. This could spawn a whole new world of Star Wars Workouts, like Padme's Pilates or Leia's Legs and Butt or Ewok Bashing or something.

Cheers,
-Jason