Whilst at Dragonflight, I happened to be placed next to Beth and Maria of Famine Lands. They also premiered at this year’s Emerald Con, were also at Spokane Con, and since have become ‘Con Buddies.’
Anyhow, it was late Saturday evening and the tide of con-goers had trickled to a mere . . . trickle. I noticed Beth and Maria giggling over something so I investigated. It turns out that for some reason, possibly the exhaustion of all involved, they had decided to make a list of EVIL.
Said list is rated from 1 to 10, with Bunnies at 0 as calibration. We assumed that Bunnies were as a group not EVIL. Yes, we are well aware that there may be some perfectly EVIL bunnies out there (which will come up later). However, they are, in general, considered to be non-EVIL.
Also, lower ranks of EVIL tend to be critters that are just generally EVIL, insomuch that they don’t actively plot EVIL, they just kind of are.
We also decided that non-sentient objects could not be EVIL as well. However, like the bunnies rule, this would soon be broken.
Here are the first five, as far as I can remember:
0. Bunnies
As discussed, they are the control group.
1. Maria
Yes, the Maria from Famine Lands. I don’t know why she’d put herself on the list, but I can only imagine it had something to do with a mallet, three ice-cubes, and 11-feet of silly string. So, yes, I have no idea.
2. Blue Meanies
From ‘The Yellow Submarine.’ They’re sort of like large blue blobs. They’re not terribly EVIL, they just work for a jerk. They scared the poop out of me when I was five. Literally.
3. Teletubbies
This was Maria’s idea. She has a small child and has apparently been inundated with Teletubbies. I chose not to argue with her (recall the aforementioned mallet).
4. Orcs & MySpace
Now, you may wonder why Orcs are so low on the list. Well, they’re pretty mindless. They just kinda ‘do’ EVIL. Sort of like teenagers. With swords. MySpace was again, Maria’s idea. Thought it violated the ‘no non-sentient’ rule, we decided to allow it because Maria is scary.
5. Mr. Warren
My fifth grade teacher. He seemed to delight in being a jerk. He gets to be #5 because I think he actually plotted said ‘jerkness.’ I have no proof, save my own suspicions and the fact that he made me lose the ‘three-legged-man’ race on the last day of school. Yes, I can hold a grudge.
Tomorrow, I will post the remainder of the list. Please feel free to comment with your own EVIL candidates. I will post those on Friday.
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4 comments:
All those animals, monsters, robots, ect, that have been stealing candy from curious children that merely want to know from an authority figure how many licks it takes to reach the center of a tootsie roll pop for so many years. Not high perhaps, but seriously, they completely abuse the power.
Chris De Burgh (See Billy Bailey's - Scale of Evil!)
bunnies not evil?! may i point out that killer bunnies are well documented in film (poor knights, if not for the Holy Hand Grenade, their end would have too been documented on film) and popular card game(s)!!
however, there are certainly greater evil than killer bunnies... political pundits... slowly siphoning independent thought from the mass of humanity...
All very good points!
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