Tag

In my daily review of the news, I came across an article about a school in Colorado Springs that has banned the playing of Tag. Apparently, some children complained of being harassed and chased against their will.

So from what I can gather, Tag is harmful to children. Red Rover is probably also harmful. Dodgeball is right out, as is Smear the Person-Who-Is-Strange-or-Odd-From-A-Conventional-Viewpoint. Tetherball (I happened to be the Tetherball King of my school) and Hopscotch are okay, but only if played from a socially positive perspective.

The thing is, I played all those games. I also played a variety of other games that involved smashing, hitting, running, hiding, chasing, verbal abuse, throwing, and kicking. These activities were conducted in full view and full knowledge of the teachers.

These games made me what I am today and frankly, because this is America, somebody needs to get sued. I therefore propose a class-action lawsuit against my elementary school for allowing and even encouraging these games.

Did you play these games as a child? Did you play them on school grounds? Then join me in suing the pants off of your elementary school!

It is not like these games were an important part of childhood that helped develop physical and emotional skills that we need in our daily lives. The bumps and bruises, hurt feelings, tears, social interaction, winning and losing, none of these things have helped us become normal, well-adjusted people who can cope with the sharp edges of life.

Actually, now that I think about it, I am totally going to sue Pat Johnson. He nailed me in the face with a football in the 5th grade. It is his fault I am single. And smell funny. Well, maybe not the smell funny part, but the single thing is totally all him.

Cheers,
-Jason