Of course, there’s no reason that having talking clothing couldn’t be a good thing.
“Why yes, he is happy to see you.”
“Trust us, he’s got abs, thighs, and buns of steel.”
“And after volunteering at the orphanage, he always drops by his grandma’s to see if she needs anything.”
“No, ma’am, your son went straight home after practice and couldn’t possibly shaved Mrs. Wilson’s cat.”
“The square root of 277729 is 527.”
However, once they start implanting microchips in your clothing, it will only a matter of time before somebody starts beaming viruses into your underwear. You could end up with shirts that won’t come off, pants that drop at random intervals, and underwear that’s beaming mpegs of your privies to everyone on your friend’s list.
Then again, you’d get to say things like “I have to update my Norton Underpants.”
Cheers,
-Jason
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Microsoft Coat 2010: Part 1
I was watching a science show on robotics the other day and one of the predictions made was that someday, little tiny microchips would be sewn directly into your clothing. The advantages to this would be that the chips could automatically regulate heat, report if the wearer’s vitals have dropped below a certain point and so forth. However, knowing the way things generally go, I envision the following scenarios:
“Good evening, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“No, sir.”
The traffic cop adjusted his gloves. “Well, sir, you were driving somewhat erratically. Have you been drinking?”
The driver shook his head. “No, not tonight.”
“He’s lying!” shrieked the driver’s sportcoat.
“Shut up!” hissed the driver.
“It’s true,” said the driver’s pants. “All night long. Glug, glug, glug. He’s like a fish!”
“Sir, your clothing seems to disagree.”
The driver held up his hands. “No, they’re lying! I haven’t had anything to drink at all! I swear! My pants are just mad because I wouldn’t buy that belt!”
“Oh, man,” said the pants. “That belt was sweet.”
“She totally wanted you,” affirmed the sportscoat.
The officer raised an eyebrow. “If you haven’t been drinking, sir, then why were you all over the road?”
“My jacked keeps pulling at my arms. It wants the new Microsoft Coat 2010.”
“Please get out of the car, sir.”
The driver fumbled with his seatbelt. “Really, I haven’t been drinking at all.”
“Sir, you do realize that your clothing can testify against you in a court of law?”
Tomorrow: Part 2
“Good evening, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“No, sir.”
The traffic cop adjusted his gloves. “Well, sir, you were driving somewhat erratically. Have you been drinking?”
The driver shook his head. “No, not tonight.”
“He’s lying!” shrieked the driver’s sportcoat.
“Shut up!” hissed the driver.
“It’s true,” said the driver’s pants. “All night long. Glug, glug, glug. He’s like a fish!”
“Sir, your clothing seems to disagree.”
The driver held up his hands. “No, they’re lying! I haven’t had anything to drink at all! I swear! My pants are just mad because I wouldn’t buy that belt!”
“Oh, man,” said the pants. “That belt was sweet.”
“She totally wanted you,” affirmed the sportscoat.
The officer raised an eyebrow. “If you haven’t been drinking, sir, then why were you all over the road?”
“My jacked keeps pulling at my arms. It wants the new Microsoft Coat 2010.”
“Please get out of the car, sir.”
The driver fumbled with his seatbelt. “Really, I haven’t been drinking at all.”
“Sir, you do realize that your clothing can testify against you in a court of law?”
Tomorrow: Part 2
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Monk Vs. Vikings
A very stange, yet funny video I found a while ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWrvlCnkAvs
Tomorrow, I'll be talking about computers in your clothes. No, really.
Cheers,
-Jason
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWrvlCnkAvs
Tomorrow, I'll be talking about computers in your clothes. No, really.
Cheers,
-Jason
Thursday, January 3, 2008
A Knight to Remember
A very funny little film sent to me by my friend Doug.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1d8vu_a-knight-to-remember_shortfilms
Cheers,
-Jason
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1d8vu_a-knight-to-remember_shortfilms
Cheers,
-Jason
Do Not Believe Me: Part 2
So, during Christmas dinner, I found myself sitting at the kid’s table, eating with my 2nd brother and my niece and nephew. I was there by choice, thank you very much, and not because I had referred to the turkey as ‘the flesh of the unborn’ the year before.
In making conversation, I asked my 13-year-old niece what she wanted to be when she grew up. When she had no firm plans, I suggested that she become a yak herder.
She expressed bewilderment at the idea and I began to tell her all about yaks. When she asked how I knew so much about them, I told her I did a paper on them in college. I was, of course, lying.
Here’s what I told her:
Baby yaks are called yiks.
Yaks do not moo or low. Instead, they make a sound that resembles a cross between a hiccup and a fart.
Yak hair was the original dental floss. It’s called floss because that’s the English pronunciation of the Tibetan word for hair.
Yak meat tastes like chicken. Unless you live in Tibet, where chicken tastes like yak.
A yak will never step on a frog. If a yak is about to step on one, it will always pause to let the frog move. There have been cases where a yak was about to step on a deceased frog and froze, waiting for the frog to move. The yak will eventually starve to death if the frog is not moved. No one knows why this is so, but there is a legend about the King of Frogs saving the life of the Yak Prince, which is the traditional explanation.
Yaks and squid are natural enemies. If they happen to cross paths, they will immediately set to battle. The squid almost always loses, unless it can manage to drag the yak under water. There have been no confirmed cases of yaks fighting giant squid, but it is speculated that the giant squid would have the upper hand.
My niece and nephew were of course, enraptured by my tales. They asked many questions, which I answered to the best of my ability. I am fully confident that if they need to write a paper on yaks, they will get a D- (partial credit for creativity).
It should be noted that their father, my 2nd brother, was sitting there the whole time and he never said a word. When I asked him why he hadn’t said anything, his response was “If they haven’t figured out that you’re full of it yet, I’m not going to bother telling them.”
Maybe someday I will tell the story of why my sister-in-law refused to believe anything I told for three years. I could have literally walked up to her while on fire and said “I’m on fire. Could you please put me out?” and she would not have believed me. Such is life.
Cheers,
-Jason
In making conversation, I asked my 13-year-old niece what she wanted to be when she grew up. When she had no firm plans, I suggested that she become a yak herder.
She expressed bewilderment at the idea and I began to tell her all about yaks. When she asked how I knew so much about them, I told her I did a paper on them in college. I was, of course, lying.
Here’s what I told her:
Baby yaks are called yiks.
Yaks do not moo or low. Instead, they make a sound that resembles a cross between a hiccup and a fart.
Yak hair was the original dental floss. It’s called floss because that’s the English pronunciation of the Tibetan word for hair.
Yak meat tastes like chicken. Unless you live in Tibet, where chicken tastes like yak.
A yak will never step on a frog. If a yak is about to step on one, it will always pause to let the frog move. There have been cases where a yak was about to step on a deceased frog and froze, waiting for the frog to move. The yak will eventually starve to death if the frog is not moved. No one knows why this is so, but there is a legend about the King of Frogs saving the life of the Yak Prince, which is the traditional explanation.
Yaks and squid are natural enemies. If they happen to cross paths, they will immediately set to battle. The squid almost always loses, unless it can manage to drag the yak under water. There have been no confirmed cases of yaks fighting giant squid, but it is speculated that the giant squid would have the upper hand.
My niece and nephew were of course, enraptured by my tales. They asked many questions, which I answered to the best of my ability. I am fully confident that if they need to write a paper on yaks, they will get a D- (partial credit for creativity).
It should be noted that their father, my 2nd brother, was sitting there the whole time and he never said a word. When I asked him why he hadn’t said anything, his response was “If they haven’t figured out that you’re full of it yet, I’m not going to bother telling them.”
Maybe someday I will tell the story of why my sister-in-law refused to believe anything I told for three years. I could have literally walked up to her while on fire and said “I’m on fire. Could you please put me out?” and she would not have believed me. Such is life.
Cheers,
-Jason
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Do Not Believe Me: Part 1
Subtitled: Things I've Told My Nieces and Nephew
I had opportunity to visit the family over Christmas week, which included my 13-year-old niece and my 9-year-old nephew. They’re good kids and I enjoy spending time with them, in part because they still more-or-less believe what I tell them (the 13-year-old is getting suspicious though).
You see, it is my solemn duty as an uncle to mess with their heads as much as possible.
Now let me explain that I am the ‘fun uncle.’ I will play any game, watch any video, and generally do whatever they want to, all with enthusiasm. I have played Barbie, watched Barney, debated the relative merits of Pokemon, given horsie rides, and patiently endured endless hours of Chutes and Ladders (perhaps the single most mind-numbing game ever created). I think this gives me the leeway to tell occasionally tell them that boogers are brain poop (for the record, she stopped eating them after that).
And, in all honesty, it’s fun.
Tomorrow: Part 2: Yaks and Squid: Mortal Enemies
I had opportunity to visit the family over Christmas week, which included my 13-year-old niece and my 9-year-old nephew. They’re good kids and I enjoy spending time with them, in part because they still more-or-less believe what I tell them (the 13-year-old is getting suspicious though).
You see, it is my solemn duty as an uncle to mess with their heads as much as possible.
Now let me explain that I am the ‘fun uncle.’ I will play any game, watch any video, and generally do whatever they want to, all with enthusiasm. I have played Barbie, watched Barney, debated the relative merits of Pokemon, given horsie rides, and patiently endured endless hours of Chutes and Ladders (perhaps the single most mind-numbing game ever created). I think this gives me the leeway to tell occasionally tell them that boogers are brain poop (for the record, she stopped eating them after that).
And, in all honesty, it’s fun.
Tomorrow: Part 2: Yaks and Squid: Mortal Enemies
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Things Were Eaten
I have just returned from California, where I spent a very pleasant week visiting family and eating far more than any human should. I do normally watch what I eat very closely, just in case it decides to attack en route to my mouth, but I threw caution to the wind and ate whatever happened to appear in front of me.
I had at least 3 burritos, some fajitas, turkey, stuffing, enough mashed potatoes to feed the French Foreign Legion for a day, a metric ton of chicken, some jalapeno and pepperoni pizza (sounds gross, but it's really good), and about ten-pounds of assorted snacks, which included chocolate, cheese, various dips, and what I think was an insect.
I also played some tennis, if you define 'play' as occasionally putting the ball over the net and in the court. I did better once it was explained to me that a) you didn't have to hit the ball as hard as possible and b) you weren't actually trying to hit the other player with the ball. I had fun, though, and that's what counts.
Note: If you happened to be one of the people I played with, I apologize for serving directly at you.
In other news, we are back to regular updates, so stay tuned for more Wayfarer's Moon goodness every Tuesday and Thursday and my usual semi-coherent ramblings most every day.
Cheers,
-Jason
I had at least 3 burritos, some fajitas, turkey, stuffing, enough mashed potatoes to feed the French Foreign Legion for a day, a metric ton of chicken, some jalapeno and pepperoni pizza (sounds gross, but it's really good), and about ten-pounds of assorted snacks, which included chocolate, cheese, various dips, and what I think was an insect.
I also played some tennis, if you define 'play' as occasionally putting the ball over the net and in the court. I did better once it was explained to me that a) you didn't have to hit the ball as hard as possible and b) you weren't actually trying to hit the other player with the ball. I had fun, though, and that's what counts.
Note: If you happened to be one of the people I played with, I apologize for serving directly at you.
In other news, we are back to regular updates, so stay tuned for more Wayfarer's Moon goodness every Tuesday and Thursday and my usual semi-coherent ramblings most every day.
Cheers,
-Jason
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